Rules for Office Love-Affairs

Are you currently involved in a love-affair at work?

Of course not. However, you may know of some hot office love-affairs. We used to call them "work husbands" or "work wives". In many ways, they had similarities to home spouses but were more exciting. Aren't illicit relationships always more interesting?

Below are seven Valentine's Day rules for Workplace Relationships by Barbara Pachter, a business etiquette expert. By writing the rules, she assumes these relationships occur frequently. In fact she expects them because the workplace is where we spend most of our time.

As you read them, ask yourself if you would abide by all of them if you were involved. Ask how many of your co-workers do abide by all of them. Here they are:

She writes, "So as Valentine’s Day approaches, how do you share a copier by day and a bedroom by night with someone without hurting your professional image?"

1. CONTINUE TO KEEP THE RELATIONSHIP PRIVATE. Just because it is Valentines Day, it doesn’t mean that you can start broadcasting your relationship or sharing information about it with others. Even if your company takes a liberal view of office romance, it just isn’t professional to share details—good or bad—with others you work with.

2. NO PHYSICAL CONTACT IN THE OFFICE. No secret kissing, caressing, hand holding or sex in the office. People get caught and careers can get ruined.

3. SEND ANY FLOWERS OR GIFTS TO THE HOME. One man sent his girlfriend a huge bouquet of balloons to her office. Coworkers wanted to know who sent it and spent time trying to figure it out. She was embarrassed.

4. DON’T EMAIL X-RATED VALENTINE’S DAY CARDS. Email is not private. Do not send an unsigned Valentine’s Day card to a coworker. Being a secret admirer is not a corporate concept. And if you think using your cell phone may be safer for private, intimate conversations, watch out, you may be speaking louder than you think!

5. YOUR BOSS SHOULDN’T BE YOUR VALENTINE. Relationships are tricky enough without your boss or subordinate being your Valentine. It’s difficult to report to someone or effectively manage someone you’re in love or sleeping with. If you are dating your boss, have your reporting relationship changed.

6. REMEMBER THAT BUSINESS RULES APPLY IN BUSINESS-RELATED SOCIAL FUNCTIONS. At any office party or business social event do not dance too closely, use seductive language, drink too much or wear seductive clothing.

7. IF THE RELATIONSHIP FAILS—BE PROFESSIONAL AND ADULT ABOUT IT. Even if you’ve been jilted and the relationship ends badly you cannot vent your negative feelings in the office. This is the risk of office relationships. They sometimes don’t work out and then you have to continue to see or work with the person everyday.

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Barbara Pachter is co-author of the book “The Jerk with the Cell Phone: A Survival Guide for the Rest of Us” ($9.95 Marlowe & Co.), and author of “The Power of Positive Confrontation” ($14.95 paperback, Marlowe & Co.). She is also co-author of several etiquette books including the “Prentice Hall Complete Business Etiquette Handbook.”

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How did you answer?

I answered: they would abide by about three of the rules and forget themselves in the excitement of their love-affair. Love is blind. It grows out of the subconscious mind. It does not pay attention to frontal lobe rules. That's why it gets us into trouble.

Office affairs usually end when one or the other recognizes that the spouse back home offers the same thing as the one in the office.That happens when the office spice dries up.

You can see, I'm sure, that rules of etiquette benefit those who don't need them. They get to feel superior to the blokes having all the fun.

Want to explore your subconscious mind? Try Brainsweep whenever you're tempted into a love-affair.

The next time you see someone breaking the rules, whatever the rules may be, consider the motives beneath his frontal lobes. It's as puzzling as Sudoku and just as much fun. And the next time you break a rule, whatever the rule, enjoying digging for the real reason.