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Can You Guess the Source of Core Values?How often do you discuss your core values with people who do not agree with you? If you have been trained to avoid the subjects of religion, politics and sex in polite society, you don't know how the other guy thinks. If you don't mingle with people outside your class, religion, or ethnic background, you don't know what other people value, from the President of the U.S. to local gang leaders. We choose our blogs accordingly. For example, I am a quiet, white, middle-class American woman of no particular religion—trained to be polite. I have been trying to overcome the latter in order to understand people who do not share my core values. Why, you may ask. I know I can't persuade anyone to change his sub-conscious core values. But I do want greater understanding among people everywhere. It could lead to better cooperation, if not affection. Here are two actual dialogues to illustrate, one overheard on a local bus, the other at an upscale restaurant. As you read, see if you can guess the source of the core values expressed. The Kindness of Strangers on a Bus A young man with a blond crew cut and tattooed skin lay on his back on the side seat up front, talking into his cell phone. The bus stopped. A short, heavy woman made three attempts to climb on board before she made it. The man moved to the front facing seat so she could sit comfortably. He made another call. The bus pulled into traffic. The man, still on his phone, asked the lady if she had a pen. “Sure.” It took a mile to find it in her purse. A mile later he hung up and reached forward to return her pen. ”Keep it,” she said. I have more. Besides, this one was a gift to me so I want to give it to you.” “Okay, Thanks.” “I heard you talking about a two-year old boy. Your son?” she asked. “Yup.” That began a ten mile conversation. He described an accident that nearly killed him. “I survived and found the Lord. It was my third DUI. Now that I’ve found Jesus I don’t drink no more.” “It wasn’t your time,” she said, smiling. “Right. The Lord spared me for my son. When I was in jail my ex brought him to visit me every week.” “Which jail?” “County.” He paused through one bus stop and then said, “I have to take the bus everywhere. Can’t get another license for three years.” “I have to take the bus, too,” she said. “Because of my eyes. No side vision. I have to look straight at you to see you.” “Yeah, it’d be hard to drive if you couldn’t see the sides.” “I take the bus once a week to visit my husband. He’s locked up at Ash.” (State hospital for sexual offenders.) “Atascadero?” the man asked. “Wow. How long’s he been in?” “Three years. We have faith in the good Lord that he’ll get out soon.” She paused a quarter of a mile and then asked, “Does your son have your blond hair?” “Naw, it’s dark. I’m not blond. See my eyebrows? I bleach my hair.” “My son bleaches his, too, plus his eyebrows.” “Does he visit your husband at the state hospital?” “Not his Dad. We only been married four years.” “Wow, you only had one year together. I hope he gets out soon. Man, I’m staying out this time. I got probation for three more years. I’m not gonna break any law! Gonna stay clean for the Lord.” “Well, May the good Lord bless you.” “Oops, here’s my stop. Thanks for the pen. Nice talking to you.” He jumped off the bus, unhooked his bike from the front, and rode right through a red light. And the fat lady sang. *** The following conversation took place in the garden of a five-star restaurant on the central coast of California. At a table for ten, a Catholic Los Angeles judge, the eldest of eight children, argued about Roe vs. Wade with a white, middle-class woman of no particular religion, the youngest of five children. Judge: You agree that life begins at conception. Woman: Yes J: There is nothing in the constitution that allows abortion. It should be outlawed across the board. W: But not all law comes straight out of.— J: You agree that life begins at conception. Our constitution is based on the ten commandments. In this case: "Thou shall not kill". W: Then why do we wage war and condone capital punishment? J: You said you agree that life begins at conception. W: Yes, but what about — J: It should be against the law to take that life. W: It should be against the law to take a woman's life in exchange for that of a fetus. J: You agree that it's wrong to kill. W: Yes, but it makes more sense to me to make laws against killing children and adults. J: When you appease people, it doesn’t work. Remember Neville Chamberlain? “Peace in our time”? W: That was the only thing Chamberlain could do at the time. England and France were not able to fight Hitler. They had no planes— J: Nonsense. You have to stop aggression before it starts. Most of our liberal Supreme Court rulings fly against our constitution. Liberals don't know anything about the history of the Supreme Court. W: Ha! Throughout this conversation the other eight polite people at the table tried to cut it off—to no avail. After dinner, the judge hugged the woman. She had given him a chance to speak "off the record" about his core values. The woman began to understand his emotional background, the sub-conscious mind that motivates us all. She didn't agree with the judge, but she liked him. What were the sub-conscious sources of the values of the lady on the bus, the young man who broke the red light law out of habit, the judge and the woman? Why should you care? It's a matter of survival of the species. We are an endangered species, or will be if we continue to build ways and reasons to kill each other. To discover the source of your core values, write them by hand. Then discuss them with someone with different values. Approach it with tolerance for that other 90% of the brain. Evelyn Cole, MA, MFA P.S. If you want to learn more about your own subconscious source of values, click on Brainsweep in the navigation bar. If you want to set a target and hit it, click on Goal-setting in the navigation bar. P.P.S If you want to join a relevant discussion group on values, go to http://www.markjoyner.name/forums
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